Denial

This isn't really happening, right? It can't be. We can't be losing our baby.

I have spent today caling different people about planning our special birth. I had a conversation with my brother about planning for her funeral and burial. On the outside I say things like, "I'm ok, we have to talk about." "These things need to get done." But on the inside my heart is breaking and I feel crushed by the weight of this pain. I want to sleep, watch tv all day and not think about it. But I must face the reality as the world goes on and around me. As my almost two year old clamors for my attention and gives me more joy and love then I could ever imagine. I must cling to the Lord and depend on his strength, not my own.