Marie

Hello dear and faithful friends! 

Time keeps on moving even if we aren't updating our blogs. :) So many thoughts, so much to say, but first, I want to update you on our sweet baby girl. 

Marie Ruth-Therese was born still into this world on Saturday, September 22 at 1:40PM. She was 1 lb, 5.4 oz, 13 inches long and absolutely beautiful. We spent about 4 hours with her - loving her, holding her, taking pictures, showing her off to her big brother, grandparents and aunt. It was such a sad time, but overshadowed with so much joy and peace.  We miss our little girl so much, but we have so much joy knowing that she is in heaven with Jesus and Mary, all the saints and her Grandma (Ruth Marie and Marie Ruth! :) )  We know that so much of the peace we have comes from your prayers and support during this most difficult journey. 

We went in for her weekly check up on Thursday morning and they could not find her heartbeat. I went in to the hospital on Friday night to start the induction process and had her the next afternoon.  It all went very smoothly-better than I could have imagined.  I had a lot of anxiety about labor and delivery but it was so peaceful.  The hospital staff was amazing.  There were so many prayers being said.  God was with us.  We were truly blessed. 

We are all doing well.  I feel good physically and emotionally.  It's amazing how life keeps moving on.  Sometimes I just want everything to stop.  I don't want any more time to pass from those moments when she was in my arm.  I want to go back to that time when she was still inside of me, alive. Yet, I know and feel that time is healing and that it is good. 


Thank you all so much for your prayers and support.  You are all very special to me!

RMB

Checking In

It's been awhile! Life has been continuing on.  We celebrated our anniversary by going to Mass and then a cooking class.  It was so much fun.. my husband is always so good at planning special events.

The days have had their ups and downs.  Some days are, some minutes are better than others.  Overall, we continue to try to live out this new chapter in our lives with joy and faith.  We found out about a week and a half ago that there is no longer any amniotic fluid surrounding Marie.  I didn't expect good news, but also didn't expect that.  She still isn't growing. My uterus is only measuring 20 weeks, but I am 29 weeks along.  But, she is still there!  Giving me a big kick every once in awhile to remind me that she's still with us. :)

Our love for her continues to grow.

Many blessings to you all!
RMB

What's in a diagnosis anyway?

So it looks like Marie does not have Trisomy 18... well, there's about a 1 in 10,000 chance at this point.  I had a blood test called cell-free DNA testing.  It checks for Trisomy 13,18,21.  It doesn't diagnose, but tells you if you have a high-risk or low-risk for these disorders.  The test came back saying that Marie is at low-risk for T-18 meaning there's about a 1% chance.  Now, I'm not big on percentages these days since there was like a 1 in 2000 chance that I'd even have a baby with a chromosomal disorder in the first place.  But, I still lean toward believing the test.  This could be taken as good news, but it really doesn't matter.  The prognosis is the same.  She still has a lot of markers revealing that SOMETHING is clearly going on.  It threw me for a loop at first... what am I supposed to think about this?  Is it supposed to give me hope? Or are we just not supposed to know the diagnosis?  The news was unsettling at first, but now I'm back to normal-my new normal that is.  It is what it is at this point and we still just have to wait and see.

She was just giving me a little treat... kicking me like crazy. :)  I didn't want to move! :) But now her big brother is up from his nap and singing the ABCs in his crib.  Time to get moving! :)

I found this article somewhere today... can't even remember from where and it was just a few hours ago.. anyway, here it is. Check it out... beautiful, sad, inspiring!

Fame

I have 14 comments on one post and 4 followers! Woo hoo!  I feel like a celebrity... kind of. :)  I just wanted to check in quick and say thank you again to everyone!!! I can feel your prayers and support surrounding my family and I can't tell you how much it means to me.

I also want to thank Mrs. B over at Joy Beyond the Cross.  Her post was humbling, encouraging and so filled with love.  I was just floored when I read it.  If you haven't already, check out her inspiring, honest and love-filled blog when you get a chance.  She is one of the very first people my husband and I met when we moved here and we fell in love with her from the start!  She has always been one of our very favorite people.  Like she said, we don't talk/see each other often, but when we do it is like no time has passed.  When she found out we were engaged 4 years ago, she sent us a prayer book immediately. It had been months since we had seen her.  One of the many examples of her generosity and kindness!

Planning to write more soon.  It has been a good week.  Between appointments, life morphs back into a bit of normalcy for awhile.  The pain and fear is not at the surface, but buried just a bit deeper, making it a little easier to forget for awhile.  Prayers for all of you!!

Much love,
RMB

Thank you!

Wow... a BIG thank you to Rebecca over at The Road Home. And to all of you who have offered your support, encouragement and prayers. This morning I checked my email to see a few more comments on my blog which is always exciting. As I read through them, I noticed a theme, people were coming over from Rebecca's blog. I thought, "Wow, I wonder if she added me to her blog roll. Cool!" But when I clicked over to her blog, I was moved to tears when I saw a whole post dedicated to my family. Thank you all again. I had a MUCH better day today and I know it was because of your uplifting prayers!

This blogging world is amazing and I feel truly blessed to be a part of it.  My first real exposure to it was back in March when I went to the Behold Conference.  I meant to write about it back then but never did.  Now here's my chance!  I traveled with a friend of mine who I knew long before either one of us had a blog. She is actually the one who really encouraged me to get going on my blog!  Anyway, she was really excited to meet up with a number of her blogger friends.  I can remember the joy and excitement in the room when two other bloggers walked in.  It was as if they were neighbors who had just seen each other a few hours ago. They talked and laughed and reminisced about stories and other bloggers.  When my friend and I were alone again later that night, I asked how many times they had met in person.  "Oh, she said. This is the first time!"  I couldn't believe it!!  They had a deeper connection with each other than I do with many people who I have spent time with for years.  I saw this same scenario repeated time and time again. When people would introduce themselves, the first question was about where I blogged.  I loved it.  So foreign to me.  Now, I am swept up in this wonderful support group of bloggers, friends who so willingly give their love and support to someone who they have never met, but who they see is in need.  Thank you, all, so much.  And please know of my prayers and love for all of you!!

RMB

Family

The last few days have been very emotional. We went to a family reunion on my dad's side-lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, laughter and tears. We had sent out an email about a week earlier, so every one knew what was going on with us. Friday went well. Lots of hug and supports, but no tears. We were all just happy to see each other. The last time we were all together was four years ago for my Grandma's 90th birthday party. This weekend, we celebrated her 94th. On Saturday, we had a Mass, where I did a reading. We arrived right before Mass and I did a quick look over of the reading. "Really?" I thought. "This is what I'm supposed to be read?" It was all about suffering and asking God to take away our afflictions. I started to tear up a bit, but thought I'd be ok to read it.  I wasn't. I was about halfway through when the tears started coming. I made it through... barely. I was doing ok until the petitions, when my sweet cousin read a petition for us and started crying herself... cue tears again. It's not over yet. At the end, my dad had a few announcements for the group. He talked about my Grandpa and Mom who have both passed away. He started tearing up and there was no way I could hold it together after that. While it was extremely emotional and difficult at times, it was so healing to be surrounded by family, enveloped in loving hugs-sharing our tears of sadness together.

I am so thankful for the blessing of such a loving and supportive family to help us through this time. They lift me up and keep me going and remind me that we are not alone on this earth- God has given us so many people to help carry us through.

Forgetting

Every once in awhile I forget that our unborn baby girl has a terrible abnormality that is ultimately going to kill her. I do the normal day to day things-washing the dishes, playing with my son, making dinner, and then, it all comes back in a rush. I see a picture of a baby, see her name somewhere or I just... remember. It's nice to forget for awhile and think that we are normal again, that we aren't facing tragedy. But when I remember and come face to face with reality, I also remember that my daughter is a gift from God. She is a precious life who I already love more than I could ever imagine. This is what I need to remember, this is what I need to let take over so that I can enjoy my time with her and rejoice over the beautiful person growing inside of me!

RMB