So reading that last post is... indescribable. Not because it's that's good, actually it made me realize that I really need to work on pulling in my thoughts. :) It's just that, I had NO idea how real the idea of suffering would become to in the next months.
I have always wanted to keep this blog up, but never had the ability to pull my thoughts together to consistently write. I knew I wanted to write about something, but could never quite figure out exactly what. Now I wonder if all signs are pointing to dedicating this blog to our baby girl. I always intended it to be about my mom and my journey of motherhood (her footsteps were me following my mom). That is all still relevant, and now those footsteps also represent my daughter, Marie.
For the last five weeks, we have known something was up with our unborn daughter, but we didn't know what. When we went in for a routine 18 week ultrasound, we could tell something was wrong. The same tech who was cheery and chatty at the ultrasound for our healthy, first-born son, was now quiet and reserved. We received the call from our doctor later that night. "Your baby has very low amniotic fluid. We don't know why, but we the prognosis is not good." The last few weeks have been quite the roller coaster. Over the last few weeks we have had four other ultrasounds. Each one was a different experience. None of them gave us complete reassurance, but some gave us more hope than others. Then, at our ultrasound this past Monday, we were told that it was very likely that our sweet Marie has Trisomy 18.
Trisomy 18 is a chromosomal abnormality. A quick biology lesson-before ovulation, an egg has to split. It goes from 46 chromosomes to 23. Before a sperm is ready join an egg, it also has to split and go from 46 chromosomes to 23. In our case, either the egg or sperm did not split correctly and ended up with an extra 18th chromosome, therefore giving our little girl a third 18 chromosome. I really should have let my husband give the biology lesson. :) Sorry if that's confusing. But basically she has some extra DNA that is causing major problems.
The prognosis is not good for our little love. She is measuring very small, she has a hole in her heart, she has low amniotic fluid and few other telltale signs of Trisomy 18. We don't know how long she will live. We don't know is she will die in my womb, if she'll be stillborn, if it'll be a few minutes, days or even years. Statistically speaking, is she does live at all, it will not be for very long. We are, of course, extremely saddened by this news. But we also rejoice in the gift that she is to us, her parents, her brother and her extended family and friends. We are her parents and always will be, no matter what happens. We plan to cherish every moment we have her and thank God for the blessing that she is in our lives.
During this time, we ask for prayers for our Baby Girl, for us, for our family and friends and for all those who face adverse prenatal diagnoses, especially those who do not have the support that we do.
I won't promise that I will keep up the blog, but I think that it may be therapeutic. And if it could help anyone else, I know that it would be worth it.
Blessings to you all. Rejoice in the Lord, for He is good.
RMB
